This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

October 4th, 2009

I guess it's time to visit my family doctor. @ 10:42 am

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Most of you know that I have a couple major issues in my life right now, one having to do with my goddaughters, and the other with my elderly mother. It seems like hardly a day goes by that something doesn't happen related to one of these two things. The following is an excerpt from an email I just wrote to a very, very dear friend. I'm putting it in here because re-writing it would just be too much effort.

In spite of weekly visits to my therapist, plus seeing my psych every three weeks, I am simply no longer able to cope. Any little thing that goes wrong seems like a major disaster. I frequently break down crying, or have outrageous temper tantrums.

I've developed such worrying symptoms that I am making an appointment with my Internist to make sure nothing is wrong with me physically. Yesterday I slept for 13 hours. I have frequent headaches and muscular aches, and almost daily bouts of nausea. A few days ago I started to develop itching  all over my body, first in one area, then in another. I didn't give it much thought, as that is a common symptom of stress, plus temperatures here have plummeted and my skin is extremely dry. Then yesterday I caught sight of myself in the mirror as I was getting into the shower and nearly screamed. I am covered, hideously, with bruises. My legs, especially, look as though I have been very badly beaten from hip to ankle. I was terrified and ready to head for the E.R. until I saw on the internet that it is not uncommon for people to rub or scratch hard enough to bruise themselves. I've never had that before.

So yes, I will see the doctor as soon as possible. But every physical problem I am having is frequently caused by stress.

I don't mean to scare anyone, I'm not looking for pity, there's nothing anyone can do to help me, and I realize that most, if not all, of you just don't know what to say. But I thought I'd better get this stuff logged.
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Date: October 5th, 2009 11:44 am (UTC)
I think keeping a record of these problems makes sense -- you can't give the doc accurate background if you forget when and what has happened, as we are prone to under stress. I see that problems with your mother have been landing at your door, but that you don't want any responsibility for that -- I'm guessing that you cut ties with her a long time ago? I already know that there a huge difficulties with the girls' legal guardians, and that the problem is, for the moment, insoluble... and that must be very stressful.

You did manage to get to the Natcon and enjoy yourself -- getting off the hotplate for a while, and I was so glad to read those posts! Sorry I didn't do any commenting, but I have had some issues here at home and most of the time I was too tired to write much. I have been thinking of you, though. :-) I'm virused up this week, so much fun -- but *not* swine flu, woot!

If you want a quick distraction, I have just posted up a pressie pic for DJ here:

There is some lovely stuff Snarry Games members have been posting as a thank you for all her hard work on the Games this year.

Hang in there, honey. We are thinking of you! xxx
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Date: October 5th, 2009 04:40 pm (UTC)
I never exactly cut ties with my mother; from my perspective, we were never close. She won't give up her home in Illinois, whereas I live in Seattle. I've been visiting her twice a year, calling her at least once a week, and talking frequently to the home care I arranged for her. Now she is losing touch with reality and, being an only child, the responsibility of seeing that her living arrangements are adequate falls to me. Now she has decided she will live alone with no help, but she isn't capable of caring for herself.

I'm really happy I went to the North American Discworld Convention, and am STILL planning to write more about it eventually.

I need to start finding time and energy for the things that truly give me pleasure - like Snape slash!
Date: October 6th, 2009 10:32 am (UTC)
Well, definitely set aside some time every day to unwind with The Snape Slash! Everyone needs a hobby, demmit! And I suppose there isn't much to be done about your mother until such time as she is judged mentally incompetent, the you can step in and maybe set her up in either a retirement village or a nursing home facility. Have you made any enquiries in her area or would you rather shift her to a local place when the time comes? If you had power of attorney you could speed that process up somewhat when it arises.

Hope you are doing better today, and I hope you have booked in to see the doc about those bruises.


This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry