This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

January 13th, 2012

Oh, for more time and energy and creativity @ 09:42 am

Current Mood: depressed

Sometimes I want so much to write a Snupin fic. There are perhaps half a dozen scenes that are so clear in my mind, that I am proud of and would probably enjoy putting down on paper. But there is nothing to go between them, and the span of time is from Half-Blood Prince until well after the War. And there is no plot and no real ending. So it's just these scenes, disconnected and going nowhere.

But even if I could overcome those problems, I don't have the self-confidence or the concentration and focus to write these days. Too much RL keeps interfering.

January 10th, 2012

More Alan Rickman News @ 08:37 am

Current Mood: pleased


This is the play I saw twice while I was in New York City, and got autographs of the entire cast including, of course, Alan Rickman. I am so pleased to see it get positive recognition.

For my fellow Alan Rickman fans @ 06:23 am

Current Mood: excited

Alan did a lengthy interview for the New York Times last Saturday. You can find highlights HERE, along with a link to the entire one-hour chat.

January 9th, 2012

A quick report @ 08:01 pm

Current Mood: okay

I seem to have shed the final cold symptoms today, after a zinc tablet and a pot of peppermint tea this morning. If so, I'm lucky. Cold, flu, bronchitis, and even pneumonia seem to be sweeping the country. I can name very few people who have not been sick sometime in the past six weeks with a respiratory virus of some sort.

New note that is now attached to my printer: "That awkward moment when you realize you have no plans for where you are going in life, yet you know exactly what you are going to do in a zombie apocalypse."

Jinxster and I are reading Deathly Hallows together, or rather she has already started reading and I will soon begin re-reading. She wanted to know how far to read before she watched Part 1 of the movie (which I discovered is almost precisely two-thirds through the book). In the course of the conversation I have given both Deathly Hallows movies what I consider to be proper subtitles: The Golden Trio Goes Camping and Rocks Fall - Everybody Dies.

Ascendio is looking for suggestions for Snape-centric panels or meet-ups. My mind immediately goes to fan fiction and slash, of course, but some other ideas have been clever. For example, a panel on creative insulting. The concept of a Snape kissing booth is very popular, but I'm not interested unless they can get Alan Rickman to participate.

Sorta stayed on my schedule today, considering I had a two-hour chat with Jinx. No exercise for today, but if I feel this well tomorrow I'll get out the Wii Fit Plus. Ate 1296 calories; I need to reduce the amount of sunflower seeds I eat. I see Nutrisystem has removed them from their Recommended Groceries list.

I particularly need to get my calendar updated, both the Harry Potter one on the wall and the one in my iPad/iPhone. I have way too many pieces of paper floating around reminding me of various appointments and dates. And I have one week now until I leave for Illinois for the sale of mom's house.

Happy Birthday to Severus Snape today. Also a full moon. Also, this Friday is the 13th of the month.

Time to start getting ready for bed.

January 8th, 2012

Ow. @ 09:56 am

Current Mood: sick

Had breakfast, did some housekeeping chores, and had a long, pleasant conversation with Dave Ratti. (Unfortunately, everyone there is sick, too.) Had a fairly decent night's sleep except for a long and unpleasant dream involving my ex-husband and money.

Now, however, I feel like crap. My throat is so raw, which is what I get for talking so long. I have a hellova headache, my sinuses are burning, and I think I may be running a fever. Brewing a pot of peppermint tea now, then I'm climbing back into bed. Hope I fall asleep. My head hurts too bad to read, and I think even the sound of a DVD would make the pain worse.

Sorry for whining so much. I will live and hopefully feel better after a nap.

January 7th, 2012

I've been away too long. @ 06:52 pm

Current Mood: exhausted

I forgot how to filter who shows up when I read my friends list, and once I finally figured it out, I discovered that I am now totally dissatisfied with the custom groups I've made.

LJ does weird things now when you try to leave a comment. I can deal with it, but... why? How is this new way of replying any better?

I am apparently not the only one returning here. Is it a New Year's Resolution trend or something?

If I expect to go back to reading Snupin and Snarry, I'm going to have to redo my daily schedule, cause one hour just is not going to be sufficient.

I've missed so much! It's going to take hours to catch up with what is going on with some of you. And there are probably at least 500 fics out there that I regret having not read. Where do I start?

I'm paranoid that most people have forgotten who I am or even that I exist. Really, I am a fairly forgettable person as such things go.

What is really frustrating is that I am so tired and weak right at this moment that I don't even feel like I can proofread what I've just written. So I'm sorry for the typos, but if I'm lucky I have a cold. If I'm not lucky, I have the flu.

Harry Potter Canon and Fanon questions @ 10:28 am

Current Mood: curious

When Hagrid first meets Harry, he says he flew to the island. On what? There is never any mention of him retrieving a broom or Syrius's motorcycle.

Do wizards catch cold? Obviously prompted by having a cold myself. I would like to know what other Harry Potter fans think about whether Wizards and Witches can catch Muggle diseases.

Not that I'm obsessed or anything, but I realized this morning that I carry a Harry Potter wallet, I have the Hogwarts shield as the lock screen on my iPhone, and I'm wearing a Slytherin t-shirt.

Saturday morning post @ 10:22 am

Current Mood: tired

Had a pretty good time with Justice and Jordan yesterday. We had so much time together - 2:20 to 7:30 - that at times we were at a loss as to what to do. I bought Justice a couple pairs of jeans as a late Christmas gift. She bought a goldfish to join the one she bought her boyfriend Jordan for Christmas. I bought myself a pair of earrings that I paid way too much for because I didn't realize until I was checking out that they were actually gold. Justice showed me where in my purse we had put two earrings that I had sworn I'd lost. We had a very nice dinner at the Iron Chef. The only bad thing was that I was constantly nervous that we would be caught by S&E. I have no idea why Jordan shouldn't have come with us, but they would not have approved.

Alex had a bone density test done yesterday because her therapist is worried that she isn't getting enough nutrition. Don't know the results yet, of course.

I had a very, very nasty surprise this morning when I got a low balance warning on my primary checking account. It's not that I didn't have money to move into that account, but I was so appalled that I had already spent the cushion I had left in there. I don't feel like I'm spending more money than I did before Mom's death, except I pay my credit cards off every month. Talked with Tom Veal on the phone for almost 90 minutes, and he promised to help me set up Quicken when he is here in three weeks.

Woke up in the middle of the night with a lot of congestion and sneezing, but the only thing that is really bothering me now is a sore throat, which of course was not helped by that long phone conversation. Nevertheless, I have taken more zinc and plan now to lie down with a pot of peppermint tea and watch the DVD of Half Blood Prince.

January 4th, 2012

I need a daily routine @ 08:23 pm

Current Mood: okay

First off, I don't know why I suddenly stopped posting here for so long; there's no explanation. It makes no sense even to me.

The rest of my trip in New York City went great - I got to see the play Seminar with Alan Rickman twice, watched from the sidelines while Alan was signing autographs, and finally got autographs from everyone in the cast, including Alan, after the show on Saturday night. It was pretty much a dream come true for me, something I will certainly never forget. I accidentally got as drunk as I have ever been in decades after that show, but that was no catastrophe, because I was in the hotel bar and did nothing embarrassing but call my son and tell him about how drunk I was (or so I'm told). It was a shame, though, because I didn't feel my best when we went to see How To Succeed In Business on Sunday afternoon, but that didn't keep me from enjoying seeing Daniel Radcliffe in person, actually dancing and singing. I know I owe you all a better report than that, but that's not going to happen tonight.

After NYC was Loscon in L.A., then Christmas, then a short trip to the seashore for New Year's. All of it went well - really well, in fact - but it was also incredibly hectic and stressful.

Which brings me to now. What has been on my mind the past couple days, now that I've recuperated, is that I need to get a daily routine or schedule going - one that includes especially time for an exercise work-out and time to get back into LiveJournal/InsaneJournal. This is what I'm thinking:

6:00 A.M. - 7:00: Coffee, email, and FaceBook (I've given up Twitter).
7:00 - 9:00: Breakfast, household chores
9:00 - 11:00: Nap (I may as well schedule it. It's gonna happen anyway.)
11:00 - 2:00 P.M.: Lunch, Work on the dreaded To-Do List
2:00 - 5:00: Afternoon snack, work-out, shower
5:00 - 7:00: Dinner, reading or DVD
7:00 - 8:00: LiveJournal/InsaneJournal
8:00 - 9:00: Nightly snack, evening chores, prepare for bed
9:00: Bedtime

Of course, any sort of appointment or activity disrupts this totally, and that means it will be a rare day when I can actually stick completely to this schedule. But it gives me someplace to start.

Yes, there is a lot of sleeping included. I don't know why I seem to require so much sleep these days. I'm not depressed or trying to avoid or escape anything. I am sleeping very soundly with occasional dreams that are sometimes vivid but seldom disturbing. I really, really need to get in to see my doctor. I'm already months overdue for a check-up. That's on the To-Do List.

My mother's house has sold at last and, though the price is awfully low, it will be a relief emotionally and financially to get it off my hands. The closing is January 18, so I will be traveling to Illinois from the 16th to the 20th. After that I am counting on a very long period of not traveling at all. I may not get on an airplane again until I fly to Florida for Ascendio.

November 17th, 2011

Really? I mean, seriously? @ 05:44 pm

Current Location: Times Square, New York City
Current Mood: indescribable

"We regret to inform you that Mr. Rickman has taken ill today with an acute respiratory infection and consequently, the Thursday, November 17, 2011 performance has been cancelled. We are very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused."

You know, I'm not crying. Seriously, I keep getting the giggles. I feel like I'm living in a Lucile Ball episode. I mean, really, I flew across the continent and paid more for a hotel than I dreamed I ever would and here I am in the middle of Time Square and the performance has been canceled? Seriously?

I feel really bad and worried that Alan is too sick to perform. I imagine him lying in bed in a hotel room somewhere around here coughing his lungs out and I hope he isn't alone. I'm wondering if there will be a performance tomorrow (I doubt it) -- I have tickets for tomorrow too.

Haven't quite decided what I should do now.

Ever been in a big airport when it was really, really busy? Well, that's what Time Square is like. And it's only Thursday night.

Oh, I just found out this is the first performance Rickman has missed in his entire professional career. This is just... Godz, I think I'll go have a drink.

Oh dear, perhaps I shouldn't have had that second drink. @ 02:32 pm

Current Location: Times Square, New York City
Current Mood: bouncy

Oh dear. I appear to have drank too much at lunch. Which means I am feeling more than fine right now, but I need to sew a button back on my brand new coat, get dressed, put on makeup, and walk to the Golden Theatre soon. Where I will see Alan Rickman. Live. OMG.

I was nervous about finding my way there and even more nervous about finding my way back. Not now. Unfortunately that may be the effects of two raspberry margaritas (which were served, bizarrely, in a Sam Adams glass).

I'm not going to wait outside the stage door for an autograph, and there are people reading this who will be outraged. But I've no idea how to even find the stage door, and alone I'm just too much of a coward.

How to Succeed is showing just a couple blocks past the Golden Theatre, which is cool. On the weird coincidence side, to get to see Seminar I have to walk right by a theatre showing Private Lives, in which Alan was starring ten years ago. Ten years! Gods, I am so old!

(no subject) @ 02:01 pm

I got into New York late last night, and am now moved into a suite at the Doubletree in Time Square. I've never been here. It's overwhelming. Brilliant, crowded, dirty, gray and brilliant. There are video billboards all over the place. The one right outside my window must be 30 stories tall!!

I have tickets to see Seminar, starring Alan Rickman, at 8:00 tonight, and again tomorrow night. On Sunday afternoon I'm seeing How To Succeed starring Daniel Radcliffe. It all feels a little like a dream. No, a LOT like a dream.

The trip here was exhausting, with a three-hour layover in Chicago and a flight into NYC that was delayed for 90 minutes by heavy rain. It's still rainy and cold, which is really a disappointment; I could see dreary back home. For some reason I required two suitcases for a five day stay, and negotiating them into the taxi was nightmarish. To be honest, I don't think I'm recovered from the trip.

Ah, Tom is here to show me the way to the theatre. Gotta Go.


November 8th, 2011

Just another manic Tuesday @ 09:27 am

Current Mood: blah
Tags: ,

Today is Election Day in the U.S. Vote, dear people! Occupy the Voters Booths!

Last night I forgot to take my meds. I realized this when I woke up at 4:00 A.M. feeling terrible, from disturbing dreams about making mistakes and not knowing what I was doing at work. I did get back to sleep for an hour, almost.

Last night I forgot to set up the coffee maker or to refill the water bottles. So that greeted me this morning.

Sometime yesterday I put a large amount of Nikky's old, untouched food down the garbage disposal, but evidently forgot to turn the thing on. Later I loaded and ran the dishwasher. The gunk in the kitchen drain backed up into the dishwasher so this morning I found the dishwasher full of filthy dishes. I've run it through twice now - hope that does the trick.

I almost wish I hadn't read the world news this morning. Greece and Italy about to fail financially. Profits way down for a couple big manufacturers. Roadside bomb in Afghanistan killed family of eight.

I fed the dog half a can of his favorite food this morning and he ate all of it! Yay! Only trouble is that he doesn't digest that stuff very well. I've tried experimenting with dry food, but he won't touch it, even when mixed with canned food, cheese, and peanut butter. Anyway, all of today's news isn't bad.

Yesterday I found out for sure that I am getting an iPad for my birthday. I'm really excited. The only problem, and it is a big one, is that it is due to arrive while I am in New York. I've registered with UPS for notifications and on-line signature.

I did 32 minutes of biking, kung-fu, and boxing on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday for 139 calories. Didn't keep track of calorie intake, though. It's difficult because I am nearly out of Nutrisystem food.

Aside from voting and chatting with Jinx, today looks pretty open. Please wish me support in making it a productive day rather than one where I spend hours sleeping.

October 28th, 2011

Stuffed up @ 08:05 am

Current Mood: worried

I have so much on my mind, but I don't feel like writing about it. Which is bad, because this is the one place where I feel like I can be honest and get the opinions of friends. And I really need advice right now. But so much of the past week has been eaten by these worries that I wonder if it isn't best to shove them out of my brain for at least a day so I can be more productive and maybe a little happier.

October 23rd, 2011

It's too early @ 06:22 am

Current Mood: groggy

Devastating earthquake in Turkey is not the sort of news one wants to wake up to.

Had really vivid dreams last night. First a long disaster movie with a very happy ending where we were saved and relationships were formed. Then an angry dream where my ex-husband was denying the heroism of our rescuers. Followed by a series of dreams that were so boring I kept waking up. I remember trying to understand how a parking meter worked and helping at a kinda baseball game where rocks were hit by tennis rackets.

32 minutes on the Wii Fit for 138 calories yesterday. The Advanced Boxing really burns calories but is almost more exertion than I feel is good for me. I stayed right on my diet - 1234 calories - until 7:00 P.M. Then I ate a bunch of Nutrisystem candy. Someone please tell me how to break the habit of eating while I read. Snuff continues to be entertaining, by the way.

Yesterday was the quiet day I was hoping for, but I still didn't get many of the bills payed. I'm really hoping that no one wants me to drive them somewhere today. The weather is so yucky. I hate rain.

I looked in two wrong cabinets and in the microwave for the cat food before I found it this morning, even though it was where I always keep it. Senility sets in. Or maybe I just need to go back to bed.

October 22nd, 2011

Lazy Saturday morning @ 08:02 am

Current Mood: awake

The 'big news' of yesterday was that Justice called me from Hayley's house and suggested that since I was out anyway (got my nails done) I come by and let her tell me about the big fight she got in with Jordan. (They're "okay" now.) I had fun hanging out there and thought for a long time that she actually wanted to see me but didn't want anything. As if. It finally came out that they had nothing to eat and no money, and Justice didn't have money to get into the football game, so I dropped them off at McDonald's with money in Justice's pocket.

I slept nine hours last night. Maybe lack of sleep is why I felt so lousy yesterday morning.

Today should be a quiet, productive time at home. My biggest annoyance is that the garbage simply must go out to the curb, but it has been raining hard all morning. The Rapture didn't happen yesterday and no famous dictators have been shot, Twitter and Facebook are very quiet, and even all my pets are sleeping.

October 21st, 2011

I'm not posting right now. @ 08:07 am

Current Mood: nervous

I don't feel good. Feels like a severe anxiety attack.

October 20th, 2011

May I please have one quiet, productive day? @ 07:35 am

Current Mood: bored
Tags: ,

The big news of the morning is that Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi is dead. Maybe. The major networks are still waiting to confirm.

And my big new is... Nothing. Let's see... Alex says that Justice removed her tongue piercing while she was high on pot. I'm happy with the consequences but worried about the situation. The choir director is satisfied with the 'natural' color of Alex's hair now; it's black, but with blue and purple highlights. The dentist says that my teeth are very clean but the gum disease is no better. She recommends that I stop smoking and start flossing - that ain't gonna happen.

Today Faeon is coming over and we'll go on a big grocery run. It will be good to see him. Except for his running in and out on Friday, I haven't seen him for a week. I've begun humming Cat's in the Cradle again.

Today, also, I am going back on Nutrisystem and my exercise program. Maybe I can make up for the first three days of the week by being extra good for the next four. I would hate for my weight to go back up into the 180s.

The struggle with the ants continues, although they seem to have pulled back and be regrouping the past couple days.

I haven't gotten very far in reading Snuff yet. Just don't seem to have the time to read. I need some "me time".

October 19th, 2011

It's nice to be needed, but this is getting ridiculous. @ 07:48 am

Current Mood: exhausted
Tags: ,

I am so tired!

Yesterday my calendar looked so nice and clean. Nothing planned except a chat with Jinx.

Then Justice texted me and she wanted, of all things, for me to bring her an Emerald City smoothie at lunch time. Okay, I could have said no. I should have said no. But I like to see her happy, and the smoothies are actually quite healthy. And it gave me an excuse to have one myself, which was chock full of protein and nutrients, but far too many calories. Anyway, she got her smoothie.

Then in the late afternoon I got a call from Alex's friend Jessica. She had skipped school and I guess they had the police looking for her. Then when she did go home her mother threw her out. She hadn't eaten and had no where to go. So I picked her up, bought her a meal at McDonald's, and took her to my house where she could warm up (it's nippy here and she was in shorts). I told her she had to call her mother, that I wasn't about to get involved in aiding a runaway. So she did, and with much tears and yelling they reached an agreement with which she was willing and allowed to go home. Jessica just turned 17, and she's a real handful. I don't envy her mother. But taking off her bedroom door is not appropriate. Anyway, it was early evening by the time I drove her home, and the whole thing exhausted me.

Today I have a therapist appointment and a dentist appointment. Then I have to take Alex to driving school and pick her up. Since this all means there's no time for Faeon to come over to go on a grocery trip, I've postponed a massage appointment until next week. Turns out it's the same day as Alex's choir concert, which of course I mustn't miss.

I told Justice I would try to go to the football game on Friday to watch her boyfriend Jordan play, but I'm just so tired.

I want to take the girls to the Pumpkin Patch before Halloween and was hoping for Saturday, but it turns out that Alex has plans that day. I'm almost relieved.

I'm so worried about Justice. She smokes, drinks, does pot, is failing school, and has had (and probably is having) sex. And she's only 14. We can't get her to make any college or career plans; she has confided to me that she wants to go into the military, which might be the best thing for her. I can't help feeling that if I had her living with me I could help her get straightened out. Steve and Elizabeth just calling her a loser who is following in her mother's footsteps is not helping.

I decided yesterday I couldn't give the dog any more antibiotics. He's been on them for almost a month and only had three days left anyway. He was eating less than half of what he should, and spending most of the day lying down. His skin appears to be healed and I just can't do this to him anymore. As it was I was having to cut his capsules and empty them into his food with a couple tablespoons of pumpkin to keep him from throwing up. I used anti-itch spray on him this morning because he was licking at the old, healed area - He hates me doing it and wants to lick it off, but he endures it.

I've been off my diet for two days, and didn't exercise yesterday. For that I have no one to blame but myself but... yeah, I'm so tired.

October 18th, 2011

I'm not especially pleased with this week. @ 09:22 am

Current Mood: exhausted

37 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday, for 110 calories. I drank a Zone Zinger from Emerald City Smoothie as a meal substitute and didn't keep track of calories.

I drove Tom to the airport last night and didn't get to bed until 11:00, so I overslept by 90 minutes this morning. I hate starting out the day behind schedule.

It's going to be a long week. I have appointments every day. Including the dentist.

I'm so, so tired. All the time. Don't know what it is. Maybe depression, maybe I'm adjusting to Nutrisystem still... For a couple weeks I thought I had picked up a virus, but that wouldn't last this long. I have all sorts of chores that have to be done this morning, so I can't afford to be low on energy. But all I want to do is crawl into bed and read Snuff. Or maybe watch the DVD of Arther, a movie I expect to really enjoy. Or most likely of all, just fall asleep. Seems to be my mantra ever since I got back from Las Vegas - I'm exhausted. For no reason. I can't afford this. In a month I'm going to New York City and then to Loscon immediately afterward.

My therapist thinks it might be time for me to see my regular doctor. Maybe she's right, but I can't get up the energy to make the appointment.

This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry