This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

January 14th, 2012

Business more or less as usual. @ 10:27 am

Current Mood: sleepy

I'm having a very hard time keeping my spirits up this morning, but I am really trying.

I don't think I have ever had a night as bad as last night except when I've forgotten my evening meds. (And I didn't. I checked twice.) I slept in short little jerks, with awful dreams. Being sick, a failure, embarrassed - I don't even know what brought them on. Having my home broken into, knowing something was wrong with Greg (my ex husband) but not able to contact him... just nasty stuff. I know I half sleep walked and that I ate during the night, but I'm not sure what or how much.

The best part about this morning was waking up and discovering that nothing in those terrible dreams was true. The weather couldn't be much nastier - rain and 35°, with such heavy overcast it looks like twilight. And the cat (Fae) threw up several places this morning, including on one of the shelves where my Discworld collection resides. Luckily, nothing was damaged, and I don't think she's actually sick - she just ate too fast.

I'm about two hours behind in my daily routine, which should mean skipping my morning nap. But I think I'm going to have to sleep before I can think straight about luggage and packing for Illinois. I have a hair appointment at 1:30. I wish I could cancel it, so I would have more time to sleep, but this is the last time I will have to get it done before I leave for Illinois on Monday.

On the positive side, Van Halen, with David Lee Roth, is going to be performing in town on May 5th. You would have had to have known me in the 80s to understand how happy that makes me. Also, Nickelback will be here on June 23. Kathy and I already have plans to attend. Our hope is that we can both go in for tattoos that day as well.

I definitely want a second tattoo, but I'm at a real loss as to what and where. I want something that symbolizes "It's love that makes a family." A heart with family isn't enough - the point is that you don't need to be physically related to be family. I really like the idea of a tattoo around my ankle, but there certainly isn't room to write that whole phrase.

I need to put a load of laundry in the dryer and clean my teeth, and then I really am going back to bed.

November 8th, 2011

Just another manic Tuesday @ 09:27 am

Current Mood: blah
Tags: ,

Today is Election Day in the U.S. Vote, dear people! Occupy the Voters Booths!

Last night I forgot to take my meds. I realized this when I woke up at 4:00 A.M. feeling terrible, from disturbing dreams about making mistakes and not knowing what I was doing at work. I did get back to sleep for an hour, almost.

Last night I forgot to set up the coffee maker or to refill the water bottles. So that greeted me this morning.

Sometime yesterday I put a large amount of Nikky's old, untouched food down the garbage disposal, but evidently forgot to turn the thing on. Later I loaded and ran the dishwasher. The gunk in the kitchen drain backed up into the dishwasher so this morning I found the dishwasher full of filthy dishes. I've run it through twice now - hope that does the trick.

I almost wish I hadn't read the world news this morning. Greece and Italy about to fail financially. Profits way down for a couple big manufacturers. Roadside bomb in Afghanistan killed family of eight.

I fed the dog half a can of his favorite food this morning and he ate all of it! Yay! Only trouble is that he doesn't digest that stuff very well. I've tried experimenting with dry food, but he won't touch it, even when mixed with canned food, cheese, and peanut butter. Anyway, all of today's news isn't bad.

Yesterday I found out for sure that I am getting an iPad for my birthday. I'm really excited. The only problem, and it is a big one, is that it is due to arrive while I am in New York. I've registered with UPS for notifications and on-line signature.

I did 32 minutes of biking, kung-fu, and boxing on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday for 139 calories. Didn't keep track of calorie intake, though. It's difficult because I am nearly out of Nutrisystem food.

Aside from voting and chatting with Jinx, today looks pretty open. Please wish me support in making it a productive day rather than one where I spend hours sleeping.

October 22nd, 2011

Lazy Saturday morning @ 08:02 am

Current Mood: awake

The 'big news' of yesterday was that Justice called me from Hayley's house and suggested that since I was out anyway (got my nails done) I come by and let her tell me about the big fight she got in with Jordan. (They're "okay" now.) I had fun hanging out there and thought for a long time that she actually wanted to see me but didn't want anything. As if. It finally came out that they had nothing to eat and no money, and Justice didn't have money to get into the football game, so I dropped them off at McDonald's with money in Justice's pocket.

I slept nine hours last night. Maybe lack of sleep is why I felt so lousy yesterday morning.

Today should be a quiet, productive time at home. My biggest annoyance is that the garbage simply must go out to the curb, but it has been raining hard all morning. The Rapture didn't happen yesterday and no famous dictators have been shot, Twitter and Facebook are very quiet, and even all my pets are sleeping.

October 20th, 2011

May I please have one quiet, productive day? @ 07:35 am

Current Mood: bored
Tags: ,

The big news of the morning is that Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi is dead. Maybe. The major networks are still waiting to confirm.

And my big new is... Nothing. Let's see... Alex says that Justice removed her tongue piercing while she was high on pot. I'm happy with the consequences but worried about the situation. The choir director is satisfied with the 'natural' color of Alex's hair now; it's black, but with blue and purple highlights. The dentist says that my teeth are very clean but the gum disease is no better. She recommends that I stop smoking and start flossing - that ain't gonna happen.

Today Faeon is coming over and we'll go on a big grocery run. It will be good to see him. Except for his running in and out on Friday, I haven't seen him for a week. I've begun humming Cat's in the Cradle again.

Today, also, I am going back on Nutrisystem and my exercise program. Maybe I can make up for the first three days of the week by being extra good for the next four. I would hate for my weight to go back up into the 180s.

The struggle with the ants continues, although they seem to have pulled back and be regrouping the past couple days.

I haven't gotten very far in reading Snuff yet. Just don't seem to have the time to read. I need some "me time".

October 17th, 2011

Aaaannnd, we're back to Monday. @ 07:06 am

Current Mood: groggy

Lost 1.8 pounds last week, which puts me in the 170s! I was really surprised, because yesterday I didn't really keep track of calories and didn't do any exercise. I'm back on track of losing 1.5 pounds per week. It sounds so insignificant, I know, but it will add up (or down) slowly but steadily.

I'm worried about Justice. She has complained of stomach trouble for several days. Then yesterday she called me to take her home from her boyfriend's house; severe stomach pain, severe headache, and apparently mild chills/fever. Alex said on Facebook that she was better last night, but I still think S&E should get her to a doctor.

Alex's grades have gotten quite good, but Justice is failing four subjects. Yesterday she said that Steve was comparing the two of them and called her a "loser". Of course I'm concerned, but calling her names is not going to help the situation. If she takes it to heart that she's a loser and can't make good grades, she will stop trying.

Alex, who had bright red hair, had to dye it for choir, as the rule is no unnatural colors. I took her to the store for two boxes of black dye - her hair turned out black with blue highlights, which I think will be okay, but her extensions turned out maroon. So it was back to the store for a third box. She says now they are dark purple but will match her hair close enough. Right after that was when Justice needed to be picked up. So I did a lot of chauffeur duty again yesterday. In a week I drove 380 miles. I haven't got a job to commute to, I didn't take any trips, and all of that distance was on behalf of other people. And tonight I have to drive Tom to the airport.

I'm ready to go back to bed now.

October 16th, 2011

Does it have to be morning already? @ 06:48 am

Current Mood: grumpy

The play last night, The Love List was funny, but not as well done as when I saw the same theatre group do it in 2005. Dampened my spirits that I believe that play was the last one I saw with John. The worst part of the play was that by the time I got home and into bed it was after midnight, which means I got less than five hours sleep. Should take a nap, but doubt I'll have time.

1187 calories consumed yesterday, 34 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus for 111 calories, ten sit-ups using the Ab Rocket, and still my weight is up this morning. I'm going to be terribly disappointed at tomorrow's weigh-in unless I miraculously drop a couple pounds today.

I am not looking forward to the Seattle Westercon meeting today. I'm really concerned at how disorganized they appear to be at this point. I can't even find the room rates posted. For a 4th of July convention, they should be taking room reservations by now. I'm worried about how many key positions on the Committee haven't even been filled yet. I am vaguely considering not even going. All I can hope to do there is to maybe get some information and to let people know they have to get busy, and I'm afraid it will just turn out frustrating for me and discouraging for them. I'm only doing the Information Desk for the convention, but I hate having my name connected with such an incompetent group. I'm beginning to feel that way more and more about Seattle fandom.

Ants in the cat food and on the clean kitchen counter this morning. What am I supposed to do if not have the house fumigated? I can't live with this problem just growing worse and worse.

October 15th, 2011

It's the weekend, for those of you who celebrate such things. @ 07:13 am

Current Mood: awake

I don't much care if it's Saturday. Faeon gets off Wednesdays and Thursdays, Chad gets off Mondays, Patrick seems to work seven days a week, Lee still doesn't have a job, Tom's retired, and I very seldom get to see the girls. Today especially. It's Steve's birthday, and they're having a party. Even Justice's boyfriend Jordan is invited. But not me. That hurts. I thought we were making such good progress.

Canceled the exterminator appointment, but still don't know what to do about the ants. Clean everything with bleach and put out ant traps, but the swarms still happen and really gross me out. The things are living in my walls now and there are 10,000 cracks and holes in the walls through which they get into the house. At least didn't wake up to any new outbreaks, but there were a few scouts checking out my plants on the windowsill.

Went to the Iron Chef restaurant yesterday with Tom, Patrick, Chad, Chad's girlfriend Brandy, and the girls. Then went to Sallly's Beauty Supplies and bought the girls a fortune in hair and make-up products. Also brought them over to the house for a while, even though it isn't allowed. When I took the girls home, Elizabeth invited me in to hear the player piano. It was my mother's and wasn't working when I gave it to Elizabeth, but $200 later and it doesn't sound bad at all. All in all, we got through the evening with no drama, so I consider it a success.

I've started reading Snuff on my Kindle, Tom brought me a copy of the 'Guards, Guards' game, and Jinx sent me not only a copy of the movie Going Postal but also recordings of two of Terry Pratchett's interviews that weren't seen in the U.S. Looks like it should be a very Discworldy week.

Tom and I are going to a play tonight - The Love List. Otherwise, all I'm hoping for is that I can make a dent in my chores.

October 14th, 2011

Hectic Friday @ 08:03 am

Current Mood: frustrated

31 minutes (106 calories) on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday. I need to increase the time I'm putting in; I've stayed at the same level for a month. Especially important on days like yesterday when I ate way too many calories.

Tom Veal is coming to visit for the weekend. I have to pick him up in a couple hours at the airport, and have so much to do before I leave.

I'm just not getting anything important done, and the important things become more and more urgent. My usual day goes: Get up, take care of the pets, do the social networking thing, eat breakfast, post here on LiveJournal/InsaneJournal, do my morning chores, take a break by reading (and often falling asleep), bathe, eat lunch, exercise, take a break to recover, feed the pets, eat dinner, collapse from exhaustion, get ready for bed.

This morning the first break has to be skipped if I'm going to get to the airport on time. Plus I have some paperwork for which the final deadline is today - must find time to do that. Going to the airport takes at least 90 minutes.

This evening Tom, Chad, Alex, Justice and I are going out for dinner. Of course, no one has an opinion on where we should go, and it's the usual "I don't care, where do you want to go?" that usually takes 20 or 30 minutes all by itself.

And in the middle of it all I struggle vainly with the swarms of ants. Had to clean out and wipe down a cabinet last night because of them. This morning I found one in my coffee cup. Everyone tells me not to have toxic chemicals sprayed inside my house, but no one has any suggestions what I can do about the damn things, which I think have taken up residence inside my walls.

I wish it would stop raining.

October 13th, 2011

Thursday again already @ 08:41 am

Current Mood: busy

31 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday for 104 calories. I didn't keep track of calories consumed, although I was careful. It's impossible to stay on the Nutrisystem diet when you're out of vegetables and almost out of fruit. Fortunately, Faeon is coming over today so we can do a big shopping trip.

"Hogwarts is our home" is trending on Twitter. I think that's pretty cool.

Today I will get chores done. I must get chores done. *sigh*

October 8th, 2011

Boring old Saturday morning @ 07:13 am

Current Mood: awake

After all that angst about what movie to see yesterday, we all agreed on 'Abduction'. Then it turned out that the time was too late because Jacob had to get to the high school to get ready for a football game. So we went to see Harry Potter 7b again. I certainly didn't mind. Alex and I cried again. Justice said she didn't. Jacob (though he had originally said it was an awesome movie he wouldn't mind seeing again) fell asleep.

I've completely ruined my diet. I'm honestly scared to get on the scale Monday morning. Going to be so good for the next two days!

I'm kinda mini-rapid-cycling. Sometimes I'm really excited, especially about the trips to New York City and Orlando. Sometimes I'm very sad and depressed. I'm especially missing John. My therapist says that it is natural that losing my mom would renew my grief over John. The loss of Steve Jobs even affected me more than it should have.

Today is a day for getting chores done. Between caring for the dog, making meals for Nutrisystem, and exercising, it seems I don't have nearly as much time as I should. My reward if I get enough done is going to be to watch the DVD of Arthur.

October 5th, 2011

As the days fly by... @ 07:25 am

Current Mood: bored

Don't know why it seems like time flies by so fast these days.

Tried the Advanced Bike Route on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday. I got all 22 flags, but failed because I could not find my way home. Gave up the fifth time I fell off the cliff. But the important thing is I got 56 minutes of exercise for 188 calories. I needed it - I ate 1420 calories yesterday. I've got to get in the habit of putting sugarless gum instead of snacks in my mouth at night.

Still haven't made up my mind between Ascendio and The Discworld Convention (or both), but I've set my goal for deciding tonight.

Anyone want to buy some candles? Alex is frantically trying to sell them to help fund her choir's trip to Disneyland.

October 4th, 2011

Is it Tuesday already? @ 06:47 am

Current Mood: bored

The drywall in Alex's new room has been repaired for a reasonable price. Step One done. Next is painting, but I kinda think we should pull the old carpet up first. Not because we have any intention of saving it, but because wouldn't it allow the painters to paint clear to the floor? I'm very concerned about finding decent painters. The last guys who did Justice's room were real lemons.

Yesterday I slept. I took a three hour nap in the afternoon, then went to bed at 8:30 (though after about 1:00 I kept waking up every hour or so to check the clock, then rolled over and went back to sleep). Don't know why I needed so much sleep. No catching up to do and no big stresses to deal with. Hope I'm not coming down with something.

It's raining. That sure isn't news. The wind that is expected today or tomorrow might be interesting.

I did nothing to lose weight yesterday.

Gods, I'm boring.

October 3rd, 2011

Monday, Monday @ 08:07 am

Current Mood: grumpy

Please excuse any spelling errors or whatever; I've misplaced my computer glasses. Have looked in all the reasonable places, and also in the refrigerator and the cat box.

Didn't lose any weight last week. Sigh. Well, at least I didn't gain any. Adding up the first three weeks I've been on Nutrisystem, I am still ahead of my 1.5 pounds/week loss goal. Only 1160 calories consumed yesterday; 37 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus for 107 calories.

Waiting for the workmen to come to repair the drywall in Faeon's old room, which will now become Alex's bedroom. She could be moving in as early as next spring if she is able to get emancipated. Anyway, the workmen are now overdue, and haven't even called to get directions to the house. I hate having strangers in my house anyway. Wish they would at least be prompt. Faeon said he will do his best to get out of bed and get over here so I will feel less self-conscious. After all, he is the one who trashed the room. Discovered today while I was cleaning up in there that I will have to have a new door put in. Guess I'll have that done next, before we start painting. More expense. Sigh.

October 2nd, 2011

Let's make it a better day today. @ 06:30 am

Current Mood: okay
Tags: ,

32 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus for 102 calories, but it doesn't make up for how much I ate yesterday. I eat when I'm upset. And the problem is it really does make me feel better at the time. But then I see the scale on Monday morning and get upset and depressed all over again.

Anyway, yesterday was a Not Good day. The biggest thing is losing my debit card, but there was a long list of other annoyances. I'm not going to list them here, because I don't want to dwell on them.

So today I'm out to have a better day. If I find some energy and Get Stuff Done, I'll feel better about myself.

Have to take Alex to her driving class at noon. Hard to believe the girl I came here to help raise is on her way to getting her driver's license.

October 1st, 2011

I hope this isn't a harbinger of the rest of October. @ 08:18 am

Current Mood: grumpy
Tags: ,

My debit card is missing. I'm almost positive that I left it in the ATM machine at the bank, but if I did, why didn't they call me?

Sumner High School lost its Homecoming football game yesterday. Justice's boyfriend, Jordan, is on the team and I know they're both terribly disappointed.

Got up at 4:30 A.M. this morning to take a pee, and somehow my cat Vimesie sneaked into the bedroom. She was of the opinion that it was time to get up and have breakfast. So I've been up since 4:30.

Twitter isn't working for me. Won't post and hasn't given me any updates for two hours. Wonder what's up with that?

1296 calories consumed yesterday, 32 minutes (102 calories) on the Wii Fit Plus. At least I'm finding activities that make exercise less of a chore. But the scale thinks I've gained weight so far this week!

I think I'll go back to bed now.

September 18th, 2011

Sunday Morning BRL @ 06:58 am

Current Mood: blank

1272 calories consumed yesterday. Not bad, not good. Did 31 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus and burned, it said, 112 calories. I spent more time on strength training than usual, and my abdominals are complaining about that this morning. I may skip working out today. Five days a week sounds pretty good, and I have a Westercon meeting this evening.

It's pouring outside. Blah. Have I mentioned recently that I hate rain? Which is to say that I hate the weather here in the fall, winter and spring. The relatively mild temperatures are nice, though. And we actually had a period of warm, sunny weather, most of it while I was in Las Vegas. Did I mention that it rained in Las Vegas? Which it never, ever does according to the locals.

I've spent way too long recovering from the past 8 months, and am verging on the point of just being lazy. I haven't unpacked yet and I will soon be out of clothes if I don't begin on the pile of laundry. There are bills to pay as well as the usual chores. I haven't even started on unpacking the stuff I brought home from mom's and haven't finished putting the things I bought at Reno away. And my calendar desperately needs to be updated. My hair and nails both need attention. And I need to call Elizabeth and set up a date to see the girls this week. And I absolutely must make at least a quick stop at the grocery store today. Nutrisystem doesn't work well when one has no fresh fruit.

Chatted with Elfie for quite a while yesterday. We had a lot to catch up on. She is into Sengoku Basara fandom now. Me, I stick with Harry Potter and Discworld. Although I will watch almost anything with Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Jr.

Tom is pestering me constantly to decide when I want to go to New York to see Alan Rickman in Seminar on Broadway. The truth is that I really don't want to go until December, and after Christmas would be even better. But if the show really flops it might not be running that long. Oh, but I am sooo done with traveling for now. I have Vcon in a couple weeks, but that is only a four hour drive from here and I'm staying just two nights. I'll get to see some people I haven't seen for at least a decade.

I am still stuck on whether to go to Ascendio 2012. There's no way I can afford it - it would be super expensive, especially because I would be traveling diagonally across the U.S. On the other hand, it would be such a huge adventure and experience that I can't see how I can not go.

Dear gods, but my posts have been boring lately.

September 16th, 2011

Yesterday @ 07:55 am

Current Mood: blah

Weight Loss Failure: Ate out with Faeon and Lee and was very good about food - salad with grilled turkey, and I only ate half. But I blew it with two rich alcoholic drinks. Also some buttered popcorn at the movies. Hope I haven't undone all my hard work this week. Today I'm back on the program.

Contagion wasn't what I expected. Didn't really have much excitement or suspense. A good, thought-provoking movie on an outbreak of a horrible contagious and lethal virus: how, what would happen, individual stories. Faeon said it made him think of an independent film at Sundance Film Festival - rather artsy. Much lack of resolution, and timing was poor.

True Blood: I saw that coming a mile away and I still cried. But is one of my favorite characters about to return? Looks hopeful.

September 14th, 2011

Wednesday Moring @ 08:07 am

Current Mood: bored
Tags: ,

Stumbling into the kitchen this morning, I was greeted by a massive swarm of little ants on the dishes I should have washed last night. Two days ago they were after the cat food. I complained to the exterminator yesterday but he wasn't much help. If it happens again I'm going to call them back and scream until they spray the interior of the kitchen.

1209 calories yesterday, but I was low on vegetables and ate very little of my dinner. I spent 30 minutes on the Wii Fit (yoga, balance, strength, and aerobics) and it seemed to go better than yesterday, but afterward I felt so exhausted that I fell into my contour chair and read for the rest of the evening.

Faeon came over yesterday and did all my grocery shopping, so I had time to chat on YIM with Jinx. I have a good son. He says he is coming back over today to help me with some of the paperwork on mom's estate. Damn, I thought I was about done with that, but more things keep coming up.

Wednesday morning chores to do: clean the cat box, water the plants, feed the bird, take out the trash and recyclables. Then I have to get bathed and dressed for an 11:00 appointment with my therapist. Blah.

Piles of laundry to do, some bills to pay, need to update my calendar and make a trip to the bank.

My day is so boring I nearly fall asleep reading about it.

September 13th, 2011

Diet report and BRL @ 09:21 am

Current Mood: anxious

I stayed strictly on the Nutrisystem diet yesterday but still ate 1290 calories. On average Nutrisystem is supposed to keep one under 1200 calories per day, but it really depends on the choices you make.

I tried exercising, and was shocked and frightened by how little I was able to do, especially considering what I was able to do easily a year ago. My goal was to do ten minutes of yoga and 20 minutes of aerobics on the Wii Fit, but after only ten minutes of aerobics I had to finish the last ten minutes with yoga. It wasn't that my heart rate was high or that I was breathing hard, but I felt so tired I could collapse and my calf muscles especially really hurt. I think I will try to add in some strength training today.

I bought a couple Harry Potter calendars today, one for the wall plus a single page desk calendar. Couldn't find exactly what I wanted, which is nice big squares to write appointments in on the wall calendar, but that's okay, because I already have a Discworld calendar for 2012 that will work for that.

I finally started a new book yesterday: The Broken Kingdoms by J.K. Jemisin, the sequal to One Hundred Thousand Kingdoms. The first book was a Hugo nominee this year. I had a really hard time choosing what to read next, as there are about seven books on my Kindle that I'm equally anxious to start.

Still working on paperwork for my mother's estate. There is an affidavit I have to get in before the end of the month to save about $1,000 on her property taxes. And the termination of the Trust seems to be going nowhere, which is really disturbing. The money from mom's life insurance is going to only last me so long, especially considering the expenditures I had to make to get the house ready to go on the market. And considering the current housing market, it may be months yet before it sells.

I was supposed to have a text conversation on Skype this morning with Elfie, but either she isn't there yet or I don't know how to work the stupid program. I can only do text conversations on Skype, not voice or video, but if anyone else would like to meet with me there, my contact name is QLBecky.

August 31st, 2011

This and that. @ 06:35 am

Current Mood: sick

Kinda a lazy day yesterday, although I did five loads of laundry and some picking-up of the mess left by moving mom's furniture in. Weather has been overcast, but it hasn't rained, and the temperatures are mild.

I think I'd be almost completely recovered from the past 8 grueling months if it weren't for this damned cough. I've got gunk in my bronchial tubes that has no intention of going anywhere this morning. The only expectorant I have in the house also has a coubh suppressant in it, and I can't take that because I'll be driving this morning.

My massage therapist and I are having trouble getting together. First I had to cancel because we spent an extra day in Reno. Then I had to cancel again because of this dang cold. Now she has a tonsil infection, and will call me when she is able to go back to work.

Chatted with Archer yesterday, which was so cool, and at least heard from Elfie (although she says she can't make it to the Discworld Convention). I'm really sad about the number of people who won't make it next year; Jinx has also said it's impossible, and I haven't heard definite yeses from anyone but Grace and me.

Once again, I do not understand popular opinion. Watched The King's Speech. Ho hum. Then watched Salt -- Wow! One of the best action movies ever! Perfect timing, exciting action, and a serpentine plot that kept me guessing right down to the last few minutes of the movie. Loved it!

This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry