This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

October 17th, 2011

Aaaannnd, we're back to Monday. @ 07:06 am

Current Mood: groggy

Lost 1.8 pounds last week, which puts me in the 170s! I was really surprised, because yesterday I didn't really keep track of calories and didn't do any exercise. I'm back on track of losing 1.5 pounds per week. It sounds so insignificant, I know, but it will add up (or down) slowly but steadily.

I'm worried about Justice. She has complained of stomach trouble for several days. Then yesterday she called me to take her home from her boyfriend's house; severe stomach pain, severe headache, and apparently mild chills/fever. Alex said on Facebook that she was better last night, but I still think S&E should get her to a doctor.

Alex's grades have gotten quite good, but Justice is failing four subjects. Yesterday she said that Steve was comparing the two of them and called her a "loser". Of course I'm concerned, but calling her names is not going to help the situation. If she takes it to heart that she's a loser and can't make good grades, she will stop trying.

Alex, who had bright red hair, had to dye it for choir, as the rule is no unnatural colors. I took her to the store for two boxes of black dye - her hair turned out black with blue highlights, which I think will be okay, but her extensions turned out maroon. So it was back to the store for a third box. She says now they are dark purple but will match her hair close enough. Right after that was when Justice needed to be picked up. So I did a lot of chauffeur duty again yesterday. In a week I drove 380 miles. I haven't got a job to commute to, I didn't take any trips, and all of that distance was on behalf of other people. And tonight I have to drive Tom to the airport.

I'm ready to go back to bed now.

October 16th, 2011

Does it have to be morning already? @ 06:48 am

Current Mood: grumpy

The play last night, The Love List was funny, but not as well done as when I saw the same theatre group do it in 2005. Dampened my spirits that I believe that play was the last one I saw with John. The worst part of the play was that by the time I got home and into bed it was after midnight, which means I got less than five hours sleep. Should take a nap, but doubt I'll have time.

1187 calories consumed yesterday, 34 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus for 111 calories, ten sit-ups using the Ab Rocket, and still my weight is up this morning. I'm going to be terribly disappointed at tomorrow's weigh-in unless I miraculously drop a couple pounds today.

I am not looking forward to the Seattle Westercon meeting today. I'm really concerned at how disorganized they appear to be at this point. I can't even find the room rates posted. For a 4th of July convention, they should be taking room reservations by now. I'm worried about how many key positions on the Committee haven't even been filled yet. I am vaguely considering not even going. All I can hope to do there is to maybe get some information and to let people know they have to get busy, and I'm afraid it will just turn out frustrating for me and discouraging for them. I'm only doing the Information Desk for the convention, but I hate having my name connected with such an incompetent group. I'm beginning to feel that way more and more about Seattle fandom.

Ants in the cat food and on the clean kitchen counter this morning. What am I supposed to do if not have the house fumigated? I can't live with this problem just growing worse and worse.

October 13th, 2011

Thursday again already @ 08:41 am

Current Mood: busy

31 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday for 104 calories. I didn't keep track of calories consumed, although I was careful. It's impossible to stay on the Nutrisystem diet when you're out of vegetables and almost out of fruit. Fortunately, Faeon is coming over today so we can do a big shopping trip.

"Hogwarts is our home" is trending on Twitter. I think that's pretty cool.

Today I will get chores done. I must get chores done. *sigh*

October 9th, 2011

Borrrrrrring! @ 06:33 am

Current Mood: bored
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Did really well on my diet yesterday: 1193 calories consumed, and 34 minutes (118 calories) on the Wii Fit Plus. Unfortunately, I've spent most of the week way off track. I'm considering not weighing myself tomorrow, just because I'm afraid of what the scale might say.

Yesterday flew by without my getting anything done except my usual chores. Well, I drove Alex to and from a friend's house (which took a total of over an hour) and boiled some eggs. Today's schedule includes getting Alex to and from driving class. After two years of being separated from the girls, I'm being allowed to be their chauffeur again.

The weather was actually pretty nice yesterday until evening, once the fog burned off in the morning. But today it is raining again.

Gods, I'm so boring I'm talking about the weather!

October 8th, 2011

Boring old Saturday morning @ 07:13 am

Current Mood: awake

After all that angst about what movie to see yesterday, we all agreed on 'Abduction'. Then it turned out that the time was too late because Jacob had to get to the high school to get ready for a football game. So we went to see Harry Potter 7b again. I certainly didn't mind. Alex and I cried again. Justice said she didn't. Jacob (though he had originally said it was an awesome movie he wouldn't mind seeing again) fell asleep.

I've completely ruined my diet. I'm honestly scared to get on the scale Monday morning. Going to be so good for the next two days!

I'm kinda mini-rapid-cycling. Sometimes I'm really excited, especially about the trips to New York City and Orlando. Sometimes I'm very sad and depressed. I'm especially missing John. My therapist says that it is natural that losing my mom would renew my grief over John. The loss of Steve Jobs even affected me more than it should have.

Today is a day for getting chores done. Between caring for the dog, making meals for Nutrisystem, and exercising, it seems I don't have nearly as much time as I should. My reward if I get enough done is going to be to watch the DVD of Arthur.

October 5th, 2011

As the days fly by... @ 07:25 am

Current Mood: bored

Don't know why it seems like time flies by so fast these days.

Tried the Advanced Bike Route on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday. I got all 22 flags, but failed because I could not find my way home. Gave up the fifth time I fell off the cliff. But the important thing is I got 56 minutes of exercise for 188 calories. I needed it - I ate 1420 calories yesterday. I've got to get in the habit of putting sugarless gum instead of snacks in my mouth at night.

Still haven't made up my mind between Ascendio and The Discworld Convention (or both), but I've set my goal for deciding tonight.

Anyone want to buy some candles? Alex is frantically trying to sell them to help fund her choir's trip to Disneyland.

October 3rd, 2011

Monday, Monday @ 08:07 am

Current Mood: grumpy

Please excuse any spelling errors or whatever; I've misplaced my computer glasses. Have looked in all the reasonable places, and also in the refrigerator and the cat box.

Didn't lose any weight last week. Sigh. Well, at least I didn't gain any. Adding up the first three weeks I've been on Nutrisystem, I am still ahead of my 1.5 pounds/week loss goal. Only 1160 calories consumed yesterday; 37 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus for 107 calories.

Waiting for the workmen to come to repair the drywall in Faeon's old room, which will now become Alex's bedroom. She could be moving in as early as next spring if she is able to get emancipated. Anyway, the workmen are now overdue, and haven't even called to get directions to the house. I hate having strangers in my house anyway. Wish they would at least be prompt. Faeon said he will do his best to get out of bed and get over here so I will feel less self-conscious. After all, he is the one who trashed the room. Discovered today while I was cleaning up in there that I will have to have a new door put in. Guess I'll have that done next, before we start painting. More expense. Sigh.

October 1st, 2011

I hope this isn't a harbinger of the rest of October. @ 08:18 am

Current Mood: grumpy
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My debit card is missing. I'm almost positive that I left it in the ATM machine at the bank, but if I did, why didn't they call me?

Sumner High School lost its Homecoming football game yesterday. Justice's boyfriend, Jordan, is on the team and I know they're both terribly disappointed.

Got up at 4:30 A.M. this morning to take a pee, and somehow my cat Vimesie sneaked into the bedroom. She was of the opinion that it was time to get up and have breakfast. So I've been up since 4:30.

Twitter isn't working for me. Won't post and hasn't given me any updates for two hours. Wonder what's up with that?

1296 calories consumed yesterday, 32 minutes (102 calories) on the Wii Fit Plus. At least I'm finding activities that make exercise less of a chore. But the scale thinks I've gained weight so far this week!

I think I'll go back to bed now.

September 30th, 2011

Terry Pratchett coming to Seattle! @ 09:21 am

Current Mood: okay
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Terry Pratchett is going to be here in Seattle on October 11 to talk about the new Discworld book about to come out, Sunff. So looking forward to that ! I was really lucky to come across a one-line mention of it in the Discworld Monthly. Hadn't heard a word about it before that. It used to be that I would know when PTerry was on a book tour. Don't know if I'm getting sloppy or there just wasn't adequate publicity.

1220 calories consumed yesterday, and 30 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus for 109 calories. Not bad. Now if I could just stick with the program and have that sort of report everyday. I eat breakfast around 8:00 A.M. and have a big, early lunch at 11:30; I usually do fine until about 2:00. I have a snack then, but it never seems enough, and I tell myself I need more energy before I get to work exercising. That's why my calories are consistently over 1200 and when I slip up all together and eat three lunch bars. To be fair, Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty busy days, but I'd like to work out every day for the rest of the week to make up for those skipped days.

September 29th, 2011

Life of a burnt-out bipolar. @ 06:37 am

Current Mood: tired

Apparently I am doing rapid cycling, and I don't mean on a bicycle or the Wii Fit. Think I am still trying to recover from the eight months after my mother's stroke, and there is still stuff I haven't finished on her estate. And the realtor reports no nibbles at all on selling mom's house.

Hypomania: making all sorts of plans, many of which cost more than I really should be spending. Buying new computer chairs for Sean, Lee and myself; I really didn't need one desperately, and my new one is much nicer than I need (sure is comfortable though).

Depression: Exhaustion. OMG, tired right down to my bones. Waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. Disturbing dreams of anxiety and frustration. Unable to make any progress on my huge To-Do list. Overeating, not exercising. Grieving deeply for John - I guess losing mom has brought missing John to the front of my life.

I am alternating between these two two or three times a day. Guess my meds just aren't holding me in the face of what I've been through. I'm also wondering if my new diet/exercise program might be messing with their effectiveness.

I've screwed up on both exercise and diet these past three days. I'm going to have to give a lot of effort to meet my weight loss goal by next Monday (1.5 pounds/week).

September 27th, 2011

Broadway in November! @ 06:13 am

Current Mood: excited

The wonderful Delta let me know that Daniel's last day in How to Succeed is in December, which definitely made up my mind for me that I am going to New York City in November.

I have a ticket to Seminar for Thursday, November 17. I am probably going on the 18th as well, but Tom is awaiting word from a friend of his who might join us. On November 20th we are planning to see the matinée show How to Succeed.

OMG, I am so excited. Hope to meet many of you East Coast people while I'm there.

In other news, I did 35 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday for 109 calories. Bicycling on it is fun but doesn't burn many calories.

September 25th, 2011

It's Sunday, I'm up early, and it's raining. @ 06:49 am

Current Mood: busy

I've been seeing flocks of Canadian Geese flying south and a few red leaves on my Chinese Maple tree, but now fall is really here: it's raining here in the Pacific Northwest, and not expected to stop any time in the near future.

Nikky has an early appointment with the groomer to be washed with medicated shampoo. Poor puppy.

1297 calories eaten yesterday. 32 minutes (116 calories) on the Wii Fit Plus which, as usual, totally wore me out. I'm back on the program after three days of being lazy; I really think I was overdoing, because I was tired all the time and my right thigh was horribly sore for a couple days. I regret missing both the Fair and VCON, but both of those would have been disasters for my diet. Tomorrow morning I find out if I've lost any weight this week.

I tried to make a To-Do list yesterday - it's hideous! I would have to be super-productive every day to meet deadlines, and that's just not going to happen. Yesterday was the first day in a long time that I didn't just want to lie in bed and read all day. Concentrating on losing weight takes a tremendous amount of time: Preparing 5 meals a day and sitting down to eat them, rather than eating on the run; put on heart monitor, get dressed for work-out, stretch, warm-up, aerobic exercise, cool down and recover, shower and dress. Plus for the time being there is giving Nikky pills, spreading salve on him, and getting him shampooed every five days.

I have to decide when I'm going to New York. It's a choice between mid-November, mid-December, and January. I'll write about it in more detail later, but I really have to make a decision, because that November window is approaching fast.

And just a thought: Ascendio 2012 wouldn't seem nearly so outrageously expensive if I skipped the Discworld Convention next year.

September 22nd, 2011

My poor puppy, and weight-loss failure @ 08:58 am

Current Mood: lethargic
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Okay, Nikky isn't a puppy; he's six years old. But he's still our baby, and he has some sort of horrendous skin condition. The only good news is that we have actually found a vet who is doing something. Nikky's whole right hip has been shaved, a skin scraping taken, and even two biopsies. While we wait for results, there are pills, salve, and shampoo. I've never tried to shampoo Nikky, who is a Siberian Husky, at home, so this should be interesting. The first time we'll have the groomer do it, but it has to be done every five days.

Best diagnosis would be a flea allergy, though I treat him every month for them. The cats could be harboring them, so they need to go to the vets, and the whole house would have to be fumigated. Or it might be a kind of mite, which would be about the same solution. Third possibility, which we think is most likely, is that it is a fungal condition, which of course can be treated. And there is the one in 10,000 chance that it is the first sign of a congenital terminal disease.

So the trip to the vets plus a big grocery trip was about all that got done yesterday. No exercise; my right thigh was terribly painful and I wanted to give it a rest. Feeling less sore all over this morning. But I should have watched my diet yesterday, and I definitely didn't. Got a new order of Nutrisystem food and mostly snacked on the new desserts. Also had a donut, which is a tradition when we go to Winco.

Today I'm dragging Faeon and his roommate to see Rising of the Planet of the Apes. I don't expect much at all. I mainly want to see Draco.

September 21st, 2011

I'm too tired and sore to post @ 07:14 am

Current Mood: sore

There's things I want, I really need to talk about. One is when I'm going to go see Seminar on Broadway with Alan Rickman. It would be convenient for my friend Tom to make the trip in mid-November, when he'll be in New York anyway. But I'm so over traveling. Even going to Vcon next week sounds tiring, and it's only a four hour drive and I'm staying just two nights.

Soo, I'd like to put off going to New York, until at least December. Maybe even until January. On the other hand, November would mean opening night. Gotta decide, good tickets are probably already disappearing and I need to arrange using Hilton points for a hotel.

Then there is Ascendio. There is always Ascendio, there in the background, calling my name. No real hurry except if I'm going I have to start saving money now.

Still keeping under 1300 calories per day. Did 30 minutes worth of 115 calories on the Wii Fit Plus yesterday. I think I'm trying too many of the new exercises too soon. My right thigh is killing me this morning, which is an improvement from yesterday, when everything hurt. And I'm just too freaking exhausted and tired all the time. So no exercise for me today.

September 19th, 2011

Yesterday was odd @ 08:28 am

Current Mood: confused
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I got a call from Justice just after 11:00 yesterday asking whether I could take her and Alex to shop for Homecoming dresses and shoes. This had already been approved by Elizabeth. That in itself was rather a surprise; usually something like this has to be planned a week ahead of time, and I had seen the girls last week, so supposedly I didn't get to see them again so soon.

Anyway, they wanted me there in an hour, so I had to really hustle. Then Justice asked if we could take her latest boyfriend Jordon with us; I wasn't especially pleased with doing that behind Elizabeth's back, not to mention I couldn't see why a boy would want to go shopping with a trio for girls, but I allowed it.

When I picked the girls up I got an unpleasant surprise - Justice has gotten her tongue pierced. I myself find such a thing peculiar, but what really worries me is how Elizabeth and Steve are going to react when they see it (they haven't noticed it yet). Elizabeth is going to be furious, but as Alex put it, Steve will "sit on you and rip it out". I had nightmares last night about it getting infected. And I don't like the insinuation about it making oral sex better.

Anyhow, we shopped for almost four hours, which was exhausting for me, although I guess walking all over the mall was good for me. Alex found something pretty quickly, but Justice must have tried on fifteen dresses before she chose one, and even then she was just sort of settling on it because she was tired and hungry. Shoes, fortunately, were easy, though Justice especially is going to have to practice walking in four inch heels! The whole trip cost me about $160, which was a pleasant surprise.

In the midst of shopping, Elizabeth called and told the girls to hurry and come home, because her friend John Brachlaut (sp??) was there. We were all a little disgruntled, because we thought we'd be allowed to have dinner together. But John is a friend from a very, very long time ago. I met him when he was sixteen, and hadn't seen him for about 43 years. OMG, that makes me feel so ancient!

So after we went shopping I went in and chatted with Elizabeth and John for a couple hours. When it became clear to me that Elizabeth was almost done cooking dinner, I said I had better go. But then she asked me wasn't I going to stay for dinner! I guess I was a little blunt in my surprise - I said "I didn't know I was invited." So I had dinner with Elizabeth, John, Steve, and the girls. Elizabeth had fixed a Caesar salad, pasta, and chocolate covered cream cake and I felt like I had to eat some of everything, regardless of how good Ive been about my diet. I also had a glass of wine. I finally came home about 7:30. John is on Facebook, so I guess we'll be keeping in touch now.

Speaking of my diet, I lost three pounds last week. Not impressive, but since my goal is three pounds every two weeks, I'm satisfied.

I've been having really vivid and scary dreams the past three nights about being in danger or being very ill. Don't know what that is all about.

Well, at least that was less boring than I have been the past few days.

September 18th, 2011

Sunday Morning BRL @ 06:58 am

Current Mood: blank

1272 calories consumed yesterday. Not bad, not good. Did 31 minutes on the Wii Fit Plus and burned, it said, 112 calories. I spent more time on strength training than usual, and my abdominals are complaining about that this morning. I may skip working out today. Five days a week sounds pretty good, and I have a Westercon meeting this evening.

It's pouring outside. Blah. Have I mentioned recently that I hate rain? Which is to say that I hate the weather here in the fall, winter and spring. The relatively mild temperatures are nice, though. And we actually had a period of warm, sunny weather, most of it while I was in Las Vegas. Did I mention that it rained in Las Vegas? Which it never, ever does according to the locals.

I've spent way too long recovering from the past 8 months, and am verging on the point of just being lazy. I haven't unpacked yet and I will soon be out of clothes if I don't begin on the pile of laundry. There are bills to pay as well as the usual chores. I haven't even started on unpacking the stuff I brought home from mom's and haven't finished putting the things I bought at Reno away. And my calendar desperately needs to be updated. My hair and nails both need attention. And I need to call Elizabeth and set up a date to see the girls this week. And I absolutely must make at least a quick stop at the grocery store today. Nutrisystem doesn't work well when one has no fresh fruit.

Chatted with Elfie for quite a while yesterday. We had a lot to catch up on. She is into Sengoku Basara fandom now. Me, I stick with Harry Potter and Discworld. Although I will watch almost anything with Johnny Depp or Robert Downey Jr.

Tom is pestering me constantly to decide when I want to go to New York to see Alan Rickman in Seminar on Broadway. The truth is that I really don't want to go until December, and after Christmas would be even better. But if the show really flops it might not be running that long. Oh, but I am sooo done with traveling for now. I have Vcon in a couple weeks, but that is only a four hour drive from here and I'm staying just two nights. I'll get to see some people I haven't seen for at least a decade.

I am still stuck on whether to go to Ascendio 2012. There's no way I can afford it - it would be super expensive, especially because I would be traveling diagonally across the U.S. On the other hand, it would be such a huge adventure and experience that I can't see how I can not go.

Dear gods, but my posts have been boring lately.

September 17th, 2011

Diet Report @ 06:49 am

Current Mood: groggy

1375 calories consumed yesterday. Oops! My only excuse is that I was especially hungry in the afternoon and again after working out. At least I didn't eat anything that wasn't healthy, just ate too much. Burned 99 calories on the Wii Fit Plus. I definitely didn't feel as bad yesterday as I did earlier in the week when I finished, but I still spent the rest of the day lounging and reading.

September 16th, 2011

Yesterday @ 07:55 am

Current Mood: blah

Weight Loss Failure: Ate out with Faeon and Lee and was very good about food - salad with grilled turkey, and I only ate half. But I blew it with two rich alcoholic drinks. Also some buttered popcorn at the movies. Hope I haven't undone all my hard work this week. Today I'm back on the program.

Contagion wasn't what I expected. Didn't really have much excitement or suspense. A good, thought-provoking movie on an outbreak of a horrible contagious and lethal virus: how, what would happen, individual stories. Faeon said it made him think of an independent film at Sundance Film Festival - rather artsy. Much lack of resolution, and timing was poor.

True Blood: I saw that coming a mile away and I still cried. But is one of my favorite characters about to return? Looks hopeful.

September 15th, 2011

Diet/Exercise Report @ 07:44 am

Current Mood: bitchy

1228 calories yesterday. 30 minutes on the Wii Fit, but I spent more time on balance games and less on aerobics. These 30 minute sessions are really exhausting me. I'm almost useless for the rest of the day, even though I finished at 5:30, and I can hardly eat my dinner. At least I am finally getting my heart rate up to the high 120s, which is aerobic for me. I have the Wii Fit Plus now, but haven't felt the need for any variety yet. It does, however, estimate calories burned, which for me was 100 yesterday.

I'm beginning to wonder if using the Wii Fit every day is a good idea. I know some theories say you should only exercise four or five times a week so the muscles have time to recover and repair.

Today is going to be a real challenge diet wise. We may go to the movies (haven't decided which one yet). When I do that, I am accustomed to sharing a large buttered popcorn with Lee, and sometimes we even get refills. Or we may go to the Fair. But my primary reason for going to the Fair is to eat things I can't usually get, like hot raspberry scones and taffy and fudge, all freshly made as you watch. At least the Fair involves a lot of walking.

It's a balance between being dedicated to losing weight and passing up on an experience that only comes once a year.

I keep getting server errors when I try to post to LiveJournal using Semagic. Is anyone else having trouble?

September 14th, 2011

Wednesday Moring @ 08:07 am

Current Mood: bored
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Stumbling into the kitchen this morning, I was greeted by a massive swarm of little ants on the dishes I should have washed last night. Two days ago they were after the cat food. I complained to the exterminator yesterday but he wasn't much help. If it happens again I'm going to call them back and scream until they spray the interior of the kitchen.

1209 calories yesterday, but I was low on vegetables and ate very little of my dinner. I spent 30 minutes on the Wii Fit (yoga, balance, strength, and aerobics) and it seemed to go better than yesterday, but afterward I felt so exhausted that I fell into my contour chair and read for the rest of the evening.

Faeon came over yesterday and did all my grocery shopping, so I had time to chat on YIM with Jinx. I have a good son. He says he is coming back over today to help me with some of the paperwork on mom's estate. Damn, I thought I was about done with that, but more things keep coming up.

Wednesday morning chores to do: clean the cat box, water the plants, feed the bird, take out the trash and recyclables. Then I have to get bathed and dressed for an 11:00 appointment with my therapist. Blah.

Piles of laundry to do, some bills to pay, need to update my calendar and make a trip to the bank.

My day is so boring I nearly fall asleep reading about it.

This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry