This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

October 22nd, 2011

Lazy Saturday morning @ 08:02 am

Current Mood: awake

The 'big news' of yesterday was that Justice called me from Hayley's house and suggested that since I was out anyway (got my nails done) I come by and let her tell me about the big fight she got in with Jordan. (They're "okay" now.) I had fun hanging out there and thought for a long time that she actually wanted to see me but didn't want anything. As if. It finally came out that they had nothing to eat and no money, and Justice didn't have money to get into the football game, so I dropped them off at McDonald's with money in Justice's pocket.

I slept nine hours last night. Maybe lack of sleep is why I felt so lousy yesterday morning.

Today should be a quiet, productive time at home. My biggest annoyance is that the garbage simply must go out to the curb, but it has been raining hard all morning. The Rapture didn't happen yesterday and no famous dictators have been shot, Twitter and Facebook are very quiet, and even all my pets are sleeping.

October 20th, 2011

May I please have one quiet, productive day? @ 07:35 am

Current Mood: bored
Tags: ,

The big news of the morning is that Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi is dead. Maybe. The major networks are still waiting to confirm.

And my big new is... Nothing. Let's see... Alex says that Justice removed her tongue piercing while she was high on pot. I'm happy with the consequences but worried about the situation. The choir director is satisfied with the 'natural' color of Alex's hair now; it's black, but with blue and purple highlights. The dentist says that my teeth are very clean but the gum disease is no better. She recommends that I stop smoking and start flossing - that ain't gonna happen.

Today Faeon is coming over and we'll go on a big grocery run. It will be good to see him. Except for his running in and out on Friday, I haven't seen him for a week. I've begun humming Cat's in the Cradle again.

Today, also, I am going back on Nutrisystem and my exercise program. Maybe I can make up for the first three days of the week by being extra good for the next four. I would hate for my weight to go back up into the 180s.

The struggle with the ants continues, although they seem to have pulled back and be regrouping the past couple days.

I haven't gotten very far in reading Snuff yet. Just don't seem to have the time to read. I need some "me time".

October 19th, 2011

It's nice to be needed, but this is getting ridiculous. @ 07:48 am

Current Mood: exhausted
Tags: ,

I am so tired!

Yesterday my calendar looked so nice and clean. Nothing planned except a chat with Jinx.

Then Justice texted me and she wanted, of all things, for me to bring her an Emerald City smoothie at lunch time. Okay, I could have said no. I should have said no. But I like to see her happy, and the smoothies are actually quite healthy. And it gave me an excuse to have one myself, which was chock full of protein and nutrients, but far too many calories. Anyway, she got her smoothie.

Then in the late afternoon I got a call from Alex's friend Jessica. She had skipped school and I guess they had the police looking for her. Then when she did go home her mother threw her out. She hadn't eaten and had no where to go. So I picked her up, bought her a meal at McDonald's, and took her to my house where she could warm up (it's nippy here and she was in shorts). I told her she had to call her mother, that I wasn't about to get involved in aiding a runaway. So she did, and with much tears and yelling they reached an agreement with which she was willing and allowed to go home. Jessica just turned 17, and she's a real handful. I don't envy her mother. But taking off her bedroom door is not appropriate. Anyway, it was early evening by the time I drove her home, and the whole thing exhausted me.

Today I have a therapist appointment and a dentist appointment. Then I have to take Alex to driving school and pick her up. Since this all means there's no time for Faeon to come over to go on a grocery trip, I've postponed a massage appointment until next week. Turns out it's the same day as Alex's choir concert, which of course I mustn't miss.

I told Justice I would try to go to the football game on Friday to watch her boyfriend Jordan play, but I'm just so tired.

I want to take the girls to the Pumpkin Patch before Halloween and was hoping for Saturday, but it turns out that Alex has plans that day. I'm almost relieved.

I'm so worried about Justice. She smokes, drinks, does pot, is failing school, and has had (and probably is having) sex. And she's only 14. We can't get her to make any college or career plans; she has confided to me that she wants to go into the military, which might be the best thing for her. I can't help feeling that if I had her living with me I could help her get straightened out. Steve and Elizabeth just calling her a loser who is following in her mother's footsteps is not helping.

I decided yesterday I couldn't give the dog any more antibiotics. He's been on them for almost a month and only had three days left anyway. He was eating less than half of what he should, and spending most of the day lying down. His skin appears to be healed and I just can't do this to him anymore. As it was I was having to cut his capsules and empty them into his food with a couple tablespoons of pumpkin to keep him from throwing up. I used anti-itch spray on him this morning because he was licking at the old, healed area - He hates me doing it and wants to lick it off, but he endures it.

I've been off my diet for two days, and didn't exercise yesterday. For that I have no one to blame but myself but... yeah, I'm so tired.

October 17th, 2011

Aaaannnd, we're back to Monday. @ 07:06 am

Current Mood: groggy

Lost 1.8 pounds last week, which puts me in the 170s! I was really surprised, because yesterday I didn't really keep track of calories and didn't do any exercise. I'm back on track of losing 1.5 pounds per week. It sounds so insignificant, I know, but it will add up (or down) slowly but steadily.

I'm worried about Justice. She has complained of stomach trouble for several days. Then yesterday she called me to take her home from her boyfriend's house; severe stomach pain, severe headache, and apparently mild chills/fever. Alex said on Facebook that she was better last night, but I still think S&E should get her to a doctor.

Alex's grades have gotten quite good, but Justice is failing four subjects. Yesterday she said that Steve was comparing the two of them and called her a "loser". Of course I'm concerned, but calling her names is not going to help the situation. If she takes it to heart that she's a loser and can't make good grades, she will stop trying.

Alex, who had bright red hair, had to dye it for choir, as the rule is no unnatural colors. I took her to the store for two boxes of black dye - her hair turned out black with blue highlights, which I think will be okay, but her extensions turned out maroon. So it was back to the store for a third box. She says now they are dark purple but will match her hair close enough. Right after that was when Justice needed to be picked up. So I did a lot of chauffeur duty again yesterday. In a week I drove 380 miles. I haven't got a job to commute to, I didn't take any trips, and all of that distance was on behalf of other people. And tonight I have to drive Tom to the airport.

I'm ready to go back to bed now.

October 15th, 2011

One of the frustrations of raising teenagers @ 08:33 am

Current Mood: contemplative
Tags: ,

I have an understanding with Alex and Justice. I won't give them a cigarette (and they don't ask me) and they don't smoke in my sight, because I do not want to witness that. But I know they smoke. I know they were smoking last night on my watch. They know I wish they wouldn't. And I don't lecture them about it.

Firstly, I'm absolutely positive they have heard all about the dangers of smoking. They know that anyone giving them a cigarette is breaking the law. It doesn't affect them, I guess, because most teens believe, subconsciously, that they are immortal.

Secondly, I'm a smoker, with no intentions of stopping. True, I smoke less than a half-pack a day, and I virtually never smoke when I'm with the girls, but still. Almost everyone around the girls - Elizabeth, Kathy, Chenelle, and "Papa" Jack, all smoke.

I don't want to be a "Do what I say, not what I do" parent. I can tell them smoking pot is stupid. I can lecture them about the damage alcohol does to the growing brain. (I drink, but never when I'm 'on deck' with the girls and seldom in front of them.) Justice has actually given up pot (at her boyfriend's request), but Elizabeth gives the girls alcohol pretty freely. (I've asked them not to drink in front of me, but to no avail.) I can harp on how stupid and dangerous it is to be having sex at 14 (though Justice doesn't listen, and Alex refuses to see the harm in having sex with other girls).

But if one or both of them say they're going outside to "get some fresh air, I can't bring myself to say, "No, you're aren't." I suppose there is peer pressure, although Jordan is trying to get Justice to stop. When they were younger they were all against smoking and swore they'd never do it.

I wonder if most teens experiment with smoking tobacco, and how many of them give it up as they get older and the dangers start to sink in.

October 8th, 2011

Boring old Saturday morning @ 07:13 am

Current Mood: awake

After all that angst about what movie to see yesterday, we all agreed on 'Abduction'. Then it turned out that the time was too late because Jacob had to get to the high school to get ready for a football game. So we went to see Harry Potter 7b again. I certainly didn't mind. Alex and I cried again. Justice said she didn't. Jacob (though he had originally said it was an awesome movie he wouldn't mind seeing again) fell asleep.

I've completely ruined my diet. I'm honestly scared to get on the scale Monday morning. Going to be so good for the next two days!

I'm kinda mini-rapid-cycling. Sometimes I'm really excited, especially about the trips to New York City and Orlando. Sometimes I'm very sad and depressed. I'm especially missing John. My therapist says that it is natural that losing my mom would renew my grief over John. The loss of Steve Jobs even affected me more than it should have.

Today is a day for getting chores done. Between caring for the dog, making meals for Nutrisystem, and exercising, it seems I don't have nearly as much time as I should. My reward if I get enough done is going to be to watch the DVD of Arthur.

September 19th, 2011

Yesterday was odd @ 08:28 am

Current Mood: confused
Tags: , , ,

I got a call from Justice just after 11:00 yesterday asking whether I could take her and Alex to shop for Homecoming dresses and shoes. This had already been approved by Elizabeth. That in itself was rather a surprise; usually something like this has to be planned a week ahead of time, and I had seen the girls last week, so supposedly I didn't get to see them again so soon.

Anyway, they wanted me there in an hour, so I had to really hustle. Then Justice asked if we could take her latest boyfriend Jordon with us; I wasn't especially pleased with doing that behind Elizabeth's back, not to mention I couldn't see why a boy would want to go shopping with a trio for girls, but I allowed it.

When I picked the girls up I got an unpleasant surprise - Justice has gotten her tongue pierced. I myself find such a thing peculiar, but what really worries me is how Elizabeth and Steve are going to react when they see it (they haven't noticed it yet). Elizabeth is going to be furious, but as Alex put it, Steve will "sit on you and rip it out". I had nightmares last night about it getting infected. And I don't like the insinuation about it making oral sex better.

Anyhow, we shopped for almost four hours, which was exhausting for me, although I guess walking all over the mall was good for me. Alex found something pretty quickly, but Justice must have tried on fifteen dresses before she chose one, and even then she was just sort of settling on it because she was tired and hungry. Shoes, fortunately, were easy, though Justice especially is going to have to practice walking in four inch heels! The whole trip cost me about $160, which was a pleasant surprise.

In the midst of shopping, Elizabeth called and told the girls to hurry and come home, because her friend John Brachlaut (sp??) was there. We were all a little disgruntled, because we thought we'd be allowed to have dinner together. But John is a friend from a very, very long time ago. I met him when he was sixteen, and hadn't seen him for about 43 years. OMG, that makes me feel so ancient!

So after we went shopping I went in and chatted with Elizabeth and John for a couple hours. When it became clear to me that Elizabeth was almost done cooking dinner, I said I had better go. But then she asked me wasn't I going to stay for dinner! I guess I was a little blunt in my surprise - I said "I didn't know I was invited." So I had dinner with Elizabeth, John, Steve, and the girls. Elizabeth had fixed a Caesar salad, pasta, and chocolate covered cream cake and I felt like I had to eat some of everything, regardless of how good Ive been about my diet. I also had a glass of wine. I finally came home about 7:30. John is on Facebook, so I guess we'll be keeping in touch now.

Speaking of my diet, I lost three pounds last week. Not impressive, but since my goal is three pounds every two weeks, I'm satisfied.

I've been having really vivid and scary dreams the past three nights about being in danger or being very ill. Don't know what that is all about.

Well, at least that was less boring than I have been the past few days.

May 10th, 2011

Why I had nightmares about people telling me I'm not myself anymore. @ 12:52 pm

Current Mood: crappy
Tags: ,

I'm really not "myself" right now. I'm sick with stress and grief. But I keep trying to act like everything is fine around other people, and that in itself is an additional stress.

Tonight I get to see the girls. I only get to see them for 3½ hours twice a month, which puts a lot of pressure on me to make it into something special. I spend days worrying about what I'm going to wear. I want them to think I look "cute," and it's especially hard since I've gained 30 pounds in the past three years and none of my clothes fit any more. And I don't know exactly what we're going to do - we have to go do something, we're not allowed to come over to my house and hang out. Also we have to call Elizabeth whenever we leave for each destination and again when we arrive. I've lost all the joy of these visits; I actually almost dread them.

Justice wants to go to Jame's house to pick up all the stuff that she left there. I think that's perfectly reasonable, but it's scary because we are breaking rules and we will have to make up some story to account for that time. Alex and I just decided this morning that we are going to the Iron Chef restaurant. I think they'd enjoy it more if Faeon and the guys joined us, but it's a little late to ask. I can text everybody and try to get a reservation, but by the time everybody is up I will be having my hair done.

See what I mean? Silly little details, wanting to plan everything down to the minute, wanting everything to be perfect... I felt like that even before mom had her stroke, but I could handle it. Now I just can't. I was going to have my nails done this morning, but I ended up taking a nap instead when I decided they really don't look bad. Went and bought Gigantic Size pantihose because the last time I tried Queen size I had a lot of trouble getting them on. At 5'6" and 174 pounds I am not obese. Am I going to have to start shopping at Lane Bryant and Torrid again to find clothes that fit?!

I just finished a Kahlua and Baileys in the hope that it will take some of the sharp corners off my worrying.

If I let my mind go further than tonight, I worry about the work for the Worldcon that I should have done by now. And I have to start preparing for a five day trip to Mt. Rainier with Tom. After that comes the June Circus to try to get my mom's house ready to put on the market, and that is the biggest stress of all.

I feel utterly pathetic.

May 5th, 2011

I'm I going too far? @ 08:39 am

Current Mood: confused

Justice just called me from school. I knew she wouldn't do that unless she wanted something, but at first she asked me about my plans for the day, told me she was feeling bored and depressed and that there really wasn't anything she was supposed to be doing right then. (I asked her twice if she was sure she was not supposed to be studying.)

Then she asked me if I had any salsa in the house. I was so surprised at the request - I thought she would want McDonalds for lunch or something like that - that I had to ask her three times what she was saying.

So finally she got to the point. They're having a Cinco de Mayo party at school today, and she was supposed to bring salsa and chips, but she apparently forgot. So I said I'd pick up the groceries and bring them to the school in 90 minutes.

Part of me thinks I shouldn't be doing this. After all, it really is a bother for me. And she forgot, so she should suffer the consequences. Maybe she would be more careful next time to remember her obligations.

But part of me still remembers what it was like to be her age and to forget something like that. The embarrassment and the feeling of having let down all my friends. I was a pretty responsible kid and I consider myself a strongly dependable adult, but I still remember the sinking feeling of forgetting something like that.

(All of this is assuming she forgot it today. There's always a chance that Steve refused to drive to the store for something like that.)

It's almost selfish of me, in a way. Instead of letting her learn a lesson, I want to do anything I can to make her happy. Her life is such a shit, particularly now, and she's showing signs of clinical depression and PTSD. So I want to make things a little bit better for her, when I can. I want to help. And I also just like the chance to see her briefly.

So now instead of taking a nap, which is exactly what I was about to do, I have to deal with going to the grocery store and the fear that somehow S&E will find out I'm sneaking things to Justice at school.

What would you do in my place? I already told her I would meet her today, but there's likely to be a next time and I'm really kind of split on this. Spoiling the girl (she's 14 now) is not doing her any favors.

April 4th, 2011

Today @ 06:26 am

Current Mood: sleepy
Tags: ,

I get to take the girls out tonight. Either they are getting pedicures or we are seeing a movie. Has anyone seen "Hop" or "Diary of a Wimpy Kid"?

Biggest plan for today is to get the suitcases unpacked. I need to get laundry done, and also go through the papers I brought home from Illinois.

Can't seem to get back on schedule. Pets got me up at 5:00 A.M., which is normal for me, but now, at 6:30, I'm not sure i can stay awake long enough to eat breakfast.

March 19th, 2011

Maybe we can move on now? @ 08:42 am

Current Mood: drained

I'm told that last night didn't go nearly as bad as i expected for Justice. No yelling or threats. Elizabeth made her take yet another pee test and talked to her about missed periods, and promised not to tell Steve. Of course, there was none of the Pollyanna prospects Kathy suggested, such as getting Justice counseling or realizing they have to treat her differently, but that was just daydreaming on Kathy's part. I'm just glad that Justice wasn't degraded and put on complete lock-down, which is what I expected.

It may be wrong of me, but I am no less angry at Memphis's father Patrick. He blackmailed my 13-year-old girl into revealing something to Steve and Elizabeth when nothing good could come of it. The fact that it wasn't a disaster doesn't make me any less angry.

Justice texted me (using Dani's iPod) at 10:30. Kathy texted me at midnight. At 2:00 in the morning I got a fucking spam text telling me I'd won a now iPhone. At 4:30 the dog decided he needed to go out. I finally gave up on sleeping at 7:30, but I feel heavily sleep deprived, sort of lick a bad case of jet lag. Also, I seem to have what I can only call a stress hangover. The catastrophe has been averted, and yet instead of feeling like starting a brand new day I feel really down emotionally.

March 18th, 2011

Nothing good can come of this. @ 12:28 pm

Current Mood: angry

I am so angry at Patrick I could spit, and now Kathy is defending him. She is saying that this will be a wake-up call to Steve and Elizabeth that Justice needs counseling and that they are not giving her the positive attention and sense of value that she needs. Okay, yeah, if Steve and Elizabeth were Ozzie and Harriott - but they fucking aren't! They're really screwed up people who will react to this by degrading Justice and keeping her locked up. How can Kathy believe anything else?! I don't understand at all where her mind has gone. It's insane to think that telling Steve and Elizabeth that Justice had a pregnancy scare is going to make Justice's life better in the long run. That is flat out insane. How can she call them her parents and not know them better than that?

I can't do anything to protect Justice. I can't do anything but sit here drowning in my fury, grief, and fear.

What ever happened to going out and partying on Friday nights? @ 07:42 am

Current Mood: nervous
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I was allowed to have a peaceful sleep last night, although the nursing home called at 7:00 A.M. to tell me mom has an appointment with the doctor next week. The wound clinic prescribed a couple medications to treat the toxicity in her sores. Apparently the golf-ball-size lump above her tail bone is just a result of the infection and not a bone cyst.

Guess I won't really relax today, since I know that Steve and Elizabeth are going to be told about Justice's pregnancy scare tonight. I'd love to think they might react like good parents, but that's too much to ask.

Funny thing: Justice told me that she asked Elizabeth if she hates me and Elizabeth said she loves me and always will love me and that she is worried about mom and me. That sure came out of the blue. If she loves me, why would she allow me to be tortured by keeping the girls away from me almost all the time? Guess maybe she just does whatever Steve says.

Thinking of seeing "The Adjustment Bureau" this weekend. I've already seen "I Am Number Four" and "Rango," both of which I thought worth the price of admission but not particularly great.

March 17th, 2011

Not on my list of best days. @ 08:59 pm

Current Mood: worried
Tags: ,

The dental technician did something they call a "deep cleaning" of the teeth and gums in a quarter of my mouth. I was numb while they were doing it but have spent the rest of the day on painkillers. Still too sore tonight to chew anything, and got almost nothing productive done today.

Patrick, Kathy's significant other and father of Nate, Mandalynn and Memphis, has made the bizarre decision that Steve and Elizabeth have to know about Justice's pregnancy scare. I'd understand if we were talking about sane parents here, but we aren't, and he should know that. Anyway, he has told Justice that if she doesn't tell them tomorrow he will. Which, really, is so bizarre, because Steve and Elizabeth will not allow the girls to have any contact with Patrick whatsoever (not that they listen). I've never been totally thrilled with Patrick, but this has me furious, and I wish Justice had never told him what was going on. Although I suppose if she hadn't Kathy would have.

Anyway, I guess Kathy is going over to their house tomorrow to be with Justice when she tells Elizabeth. I see nothing good that can come of this. It's not like it will mean they pay more attention to where she is going or what she is doing. They'll probably just ground her indefinitely from seeing anyone, possibly even me.

Worrying about this isn't doing a bit of good. I just hope that tonight I can get by with no after-bedtime phone calls or texts.

March 16th, 2011

One foot ahead of another. @ 07:49 am

Current Mood: groggy
Tags: , ,

I lost 24 hours of my life during which we thought Justice was pregnant. So incredibly relieved that was a false alarm.

My mother is going to a wound clinic because the nursing home can't get the infections under control. While the wound on her arm is finally healing, the one on her tail bone gets worse every day. They have her on some pretty heavy pain killers, which of course means she is more zoned out and unaware than ever. This morning it has occurred to me that they won't have her Medicare cards and I will probably have to submit the claim to Medicare myself. Never done that before, nor do I have the slightest idea where to start.

"Rango" with my girls tonight. But first a major hair appointment in an effort to keep me from looking my age.

Busy day, but right now I need to take a nap before I fall over.

March 5th, 2011

Saturday @ 07:06 am

Current Mood: busy

Latest crises is that I had to suspend service on Justice's cell phone. She was taking the phone home and texting her boyfriend all night, and then making up outrageous stories about Britney sneaking the phone to her or her sneaking over to Britney's. Gave her every chance in the world, but can find no other way that I can feel safe that she won't get caught with the phone. Her last text to me was horrible, but minutes after she got home she called me and apologized profusely.

Meanwhile, Alex's phone was stolen, and I haven't replaced it yet. Then for her birthday S&E got her a Go-Phone, but I am expected to pay the cost of $2/day for unlimited minutes and texting. I can have four smart phones under contract for that. Pisses me off, but nothing I can do. S&E insisted she not have a phone that could access the internet.

Am almost over the monster virus, except for coughing and hacking. And my thumb still hurts like a bitch.

Going to try to get my eating back under control today, but I've been saying that for a week.

Today I have to work on the Reno Worldcon. My personal finances are urgent, but people are counting on me to be ready before the Worldcon meeting next weekend.

March 1st, 2011

The story I never finished @ 09:32 am

Current Mood: worried

Some of you know that last winter Justice was sexually molested by her Uncle Tony, Elizabeth's oldest son, brother to the girls' mother. Elizabeth promised Justice she would never have to lay eyes on Tony again, but forbade her to tell anyone about the event. Justice's instincts were just the opposite - she wanted to talk about it with everyone, and I encouraged her to. Keeping everything a big secret would just have added to her torment.

Finally, a couple months ago, Justice decided she couldn't tolerate the situation at home and she ran away. A few hours later she called Elizabeth who said she was sending out the police to pick her up. At my urging, Justice then turned herself in to the police. I was shocked when she was eventually told she had the choice of going home or going to Juvie. I think it was an empty threat that they would arrest a 13-year-old for running away for a few hours. But that's just my opinion and whatever happened, she went home with Steve and Elizabeth.

The important thing is that while she was at the police station Justice reported the molestation. I am so proud she did that. It was the right thing to do and she was under so much pressure not to come forth with it.

A couple weeks ago I learned that a restraining order had been placed to keep Tony from having any contact at all with Justice by any means, including passing messages to her through other people, nor could he call the residence where Justice lives since she might pick up the phone. I thought that was all they were going to do to him and I was really upset about that.

Yesterday I learned the whole story. Right after he left the courtroom Tony was arrested for 3rd degree child molestation, a felony that holds a maximum penalty of ten years in prison. He is currently incarcerated. After talking to several people, I expect there will be a plea bargain and he will be institutionalized.

Kathy is perfectly okay with this, and says that Elizabeth is for the most part as well, but is understandably stressed out. Then the apartment where Tony lived evicted him - it is a half-way house and does not permit accused felons to stay there. So yesterday Elizabeth and Kathy had to clean out his apartment.

More than anything, I am worried about how Justice will be affected. When the restraining order was issued, her mother said, "Are you satisfied now? Tony can't even call his own mother!" As much as Kathy and I have tried to support her, she already is uncertain she did the right thing by reporting what had happened. When news of the felony charge comes out... well, I just don't know what is going to happen. I beg the universe for the right words to make her understand that she is the victim, that she did nothing wrong, that none of this is her fault.

February 28th, 2011

Things to feel positive about @ 06:01 pm

Current Mood: hopeful
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I'm feeling much better. Haven't puked for two days and the congestion now just feels like a cold. I'm coughing a little, but not bad. I have, however, lost my voice for now. I'm crazy weak, which is not surprising, but I have been out of bed most of today. I was even going to go out and get my nails done, but Faeon talked me into staying in the house one more day.

My best friend Dave, who lives in Orlando, is the person I usually call when I need someone to lean on or to talk to, but I haven't been able to reach him for a couple weeks. I kept leaving messages on his answering machine but he never returned my calls, which is SO unlike him. I have been horribly worried. But I got through to his roommate today and found out that he has just been working lots of overtime and forgetting to listen to the answering machine. He's fine, although I'm going to kill him for worrying me so.

I called the nursing home where my mother is today and found out that they have finally gotten the infection from the abrasion on her arm where she fell under control. Unfortunately that was the only good news. She is complaining so much of pain now that they are giving her Vicodin. That can't be doing her level of awareness any good. Aside from that, they say her condition is "unchanged." I wish I had remembered to ask how her dog is getting along there.

Tomorrow I'm getting my hair cut (having found out my girl has moved to a new parlor) and hopefully fit in getting my nails done, then I get to take Justice and Alex out to dinner. Alex's birthday is Wednesday and she wants clip-in hair extensions, plus I'll probably take her shopping at Hot Topic.

To be honest, I have several worries weighing on my mind that are anything but positive, but I'm trying to concentrate on the good stuff for now.

January 24th, 2011

Social networking addiction @ 07:03 pm

Current Mood: cynical

Alex: "I really really seriously can not breathe. What the f@$# do I do?!"

Her friend Natina: "Stop posting about it on Facebook and call 911?!"

I think she's okay now. She was having a panic attack over drama between her and her beloved. And I shouldn't be laughing about it, because I know I've posted here when I was having a panic attack, and of course I feel for her... but it just struck me as ROFL.

January 20th, 2011

The story as I understand it. @ 02:26 pm

Current Mood: annoyed

Ten days ago all of us knew about the Mary Kaye party. That I am certain of. Then apparently...

Justice forgot about the party and asked Dani if she wanted to hang out on Friday.

Dani had forgotten about the party and told Justice she couldn't because she was going to someone else's party.

Justice made plans to spend the night at James' house.

Leslie reminded Dani about the MK party, so Dani told the other people she couldn't go to their party.

Dani reminded Justice of the MK party. But by that time Justice had other plans she's not willing to break.

Then everyone started screaming at each other and writing things on line that they don't mean.

Justice told S&E that Leslie didn't want Alex hanging around Dani. Justice claims Dani told her that.


Justice is going to James' house.

Dani is going to the other party.

Alex still wants to see me at the MK party, but first Leslie has to convince Elizabeth she didn't say anything bad about Alex. And without saying that the whole reason she wanted the girls to come over was so they could see me.

Kathy has made excuses not to come to the MK party.

Expected conclusion: I will end up going to an MK party where I don't know anyone but Leslie, which I don't want to do. I don't like everybody being angry at each other and I hate that Justice called me up sobbing her heart out. But I can't do anything about any of this, and I wish it wasn't ruining what started out to be a perfectly fine day.

This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry