This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry

October 15th, 2011

One of the frustrations of raising teenagers @ 08:33 am

Current Mood: contemplative
Tags: ,

I have an understanding with Alex and Justice. I won't give them a cigarette (and they don't ask me) and they don't smoke in my sight, because I do not want to witness that. But I know they smoke. I know they were smoking last night on my watch. They know I wish they wouldn't. And I don't lecture them about it.

Firstly, I'm absolutely positive they have heard all about the dangers of smoking. They know that anyone giving them a cigarette is breaking the law. It doesn't affect them, I guess, because most teens believe, subconsciously, that they are immortal.

Secondly, I'm a smoker, with no intentions of stopping. True, I smoke less than a half-pack a day, and I virtually never smoke when I'm with the girls, but still. Almost everyone around the girls - Elizabeth, Kathy, Chenelle, and "Papa" Jack, all smoke.

I don't want to be a "Do what I say, not what I do" parent. I can tell them smoking pot is stupid. I can lecture them about the damage alcohol does to the growing brain. (I drink, but never when I'm 'on deck' with the girls and seldom in front of them.) Justice has actually given up pot (at her boyfriend's request), but Elizabeth gives the girls alcohol pretty freely. (I've asked them not to drink in front of me, but to no avail.) I can harp on how stupid and dangerous it is to be having sex at 14 (though Justice doesn't listen, and Alex refuses to see the harm in having sex with other girls).

But if one or both of them say they're going outside to "get some fresh air, I can't bring myself to say, "No, you're aren't." I suppose there is peer pressure, although Jordan is trying to get Justice to stop. When they were younger they were all against smoking and swore they'd never do it.

I wonder if most teens experiment with smoking tobacco, and how many of them give it up as they get older and the dangers start to sink in.

May 26th, 2010

rrfgh887ytghj @ 10:55 pm

Current Mood: cranky

I hurt.Mostly it feels like moderate monthly cramps, which would be fine except I HAVEN'T HAD THE EQUIPMENT FOR THAT SINCE 1987! I'll go to the Acute Care Clinic tomorrow if I don't feel better. I hope SO HARD this is nothing more complicated than a bladder infection.

Alex started dating a girl a couple weeks ago, and there was such a change in her. For the first time in months she looked happy. It made my whole world light up to see the way she was smiling. But tonight I see on MySpace that they have broken up, and Alex is wailing about wanting Shawn, the 17-year-old pot head that she was dating last fall.

My mother is giving up her LifeLine service. Yes, this is totally insane, but I have absolutely washed my hands of arguing with her about her health care. The only reason I got involved is because they called me when they couldn't make mom understand that she will have to return the equipment. So I called mom and told her that, and the last I heard she was going to call up LifeLine and tell them that since they delivered and hooked up the equipment they have to pick it up from her.

There is a check to me in the mail that should have arrived yesterday, and the guys next door haven't paid their rent for April or May. Ergo, my checking account is overdrawn.

I want to take Abilify instead of Risperdal because it's supposed to be at least as effective without causing the exponential weight gain. Except when I tried to fill the prescription, Medicare said the doctor needed to explain why she couldn't prescribe something cheaper, like Risperdal. She got that approved for me, but then when I tried to have the prescription filled for two 5 mg tablets daily, the co-pay was over $800. The pharmacist said they could fill it with 10 mg tablets I would have to break in half, and that would cut the cost by half. But they couldn't do that without the doctor's approval. When I finally picked up the prescription today - I've been out of Abilify since I ran out of doctor's samples last Friday - my credit card was refused (I have no idea at all why) and I had to use a different one which I very strongly do not want to carry a balance on.

I mentioned in my online NutriSystem group that I'm a smoker and that I'm not open to considering quitting. And all hell broke loose. The really wonderful post was from the woman who needed to tell me how selfish I am being and started crying while she posted about her father dying of lung cancer. This is a group in which we have always strictly avoided conflict. We even made it through the 2008 elections with no political discussions. I've been in the group for three years, and I just ignored what was said. But if this is going to turn into something ugly I'll have to leave the group, which is actually all about meeting personal exercise goals.

Note: I know every single one of the reasons I shouldn't smoke. I also know that I stopped cutting myself the day I started smoking ten years ago, and believe I will go back to that behavior if I give up cigarettes. I am currently not even considering quitting smoking. If I make that clear, people need to understand that their input on the subject will have no effect on me and is not appreciated.

Fuck. I should have been asleep 90 minutes ago, and I'm not even drowsy.

This is the Way I Live (on IJ)

There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." - Dave Barry